So Sophie,

I have had a "relationship" with someone for the last 3 years, and while such respectable terms as "Casual Friends," "Fuck-Me-Tits" and "Fuck Buddies" have been used in our relationship, I was wondering if it is healthy for two people who are "just friends" to continue to have sexual relations every time they see each other?

-Too good to be true

uck-Me-Tits? Excuse me? First off, there's no such thing. Secondly, I have to wonder whether this woman has mental problems. I mean really..."Fuck-Me-Tits"? What the hell kind of name is that? Is there actually a mentally stable woman who would actually allow this term to be applied to any part of her anatomy? Third, if there IS actually such a woman, do you really want her around? She's most likely some kind of nutcase.

As for you, what sort of insensitive pig are you to be using it on her? Jesus. There should be some kind of penalty for that. You're a pig. I'm surprised women even give you the time of day. No wonder you're hanging out with mentally deficient women.

But as for your question - in a word, yes. It is perfectly healthy for two people to have sex a lot. Every time you see one another may be a bit extreme if you live in the same apartment building, but since you tell me she's coming to visit I can assume that there is some distance involved here. Ever hear the saying, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it"? Start thinking about that one really hard. While I have to admire the fact that you're at least stopping to think about whether your behavior is really healthy for you (unless it's her you're concerned with), I can't for the life of me figure out why you would even hold this relationship up for scrutiny. Count yourself lucky. Three years is a lot longer than most relationships last these days and if the one you have with this chick is fine, you're both enjoying yourselves, and no one is getting hurt, by all means let it continue...especially if you've already got plans to hook up again.

So Sophie,

I have a religious problem. I don't find religion interesting, worthwhile, or useful in any way. I feel guilty and was wondering if your affiliation could change me? Could you tell me about your church and what one needs to do to become a member? I think I need something more and would like to consider religion one more time before I swear off it forever; especially now that the Devil is sending me daily messages.

Hey Save me,

irst of all, I want to point out that the Universal Life Church is a nondenominational sect which believes that you should do that which is right and it is up to the individual to determine what is right as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others and is within the law. That is as close to the Golden Rule as one can come without being the Golden Rule.

If you lack wealth, happiness, sex and love - it's waiting in existence for you if you know how - we do! We will show you, hand-in-hand right to the door of success. How much? Nothing! Why? Because we know when we help you become wealthy you will share it with the Monastery. You will be provided with the Monastery's address and numbered bank account information upon making yourself known to us.

The Church believes everyone is already a member of the church and is just not aware of it as yet, so you don't need to do anything special to join. The Universal Life Church will not stand between you and your God and recognizes that each person must choose his own path. Each person in the ULC is free to follow any path as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others.

We do not hold with the overwhelming feelings of guilt that other churches impose on you. Since we don't believe in sin, you can't possibly be doing anything wrong as long as you are following the one rule.

So Sophie,

My parents just got divorced and I found out that my dad is taking the woman with whom he was having an affair and five of her children on a vacation to Europe. He's using the money he got from my mom in the divorce. I'm very hurt about this, especially since he has never wanted to spend any time with me or my siblings. What should I do?

-Wondering

Hey Wondering,