So Sophie,

Everyone at work thinks I'm gay but I'm not. I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but I don't necessarily want to be identified as one. I have a feeling that the gossip is starting to spread around the office and some people have started to treat me differently. What do I do?

Hey Outed,

aving people at work speculate about your personal life is nothing new. People have most likely been doing it behind your back for as long as you have been mingling with the general public. It's nothing really new. Even the kids in kindergarten were making up stuff about whether you picked your nose or ate paste. That, in and of itself, is nothing to get too worried about. These days in the harsh world of grownups, you'll notice that it's not much different. Certain things single you out for speculation, though. Are you over 25 and still single? I mean not even dating anyone -- that single? Can none of your co-workers even remember the last time you had a date? Also, do you look and act just like everyone else around you? If you dress differently, speak differently or have a trendy haircut but work in an office full of conservative middle-aged people then, again, you're an easy mark. Do you have the same sort of social life that the rest of them do?

Addressing the gay bit in particular, what do you think prompted them to think this? Do you have gay friends that they know about? Are you really public about open mindedness? Have you admonished co-workers about any homophobic remarks made in your presence? Do you have rainbow flags hanging in your office? Are you the sort of individual who can honestly admit when you see an attractive member of the same gender? Do you not fit your basic gender stereotype? If you're a man, are you very slim and effeminate? Do you have a lisp? If you're a woman, do you have really short hair, dress in polo shirts and khakis? Do you play golf and/or softball? All of these sorts of things tend to be indicators to the rest of the general public that you are, in fact, a bit light in the loafers. While answering yes to any of the above questions doesn't really make you gay, it really helps to feed gossip.

Now... how to address the situation. Assuming that you've pinpointed why people think this about you, you need to take steps to counteract the info already out on the gossip market. The mature, adult way to go about this is to just calmly mention to anyone whom you believe thinks you're gay that you are aware that there is gossip going around, it's not true and if that person happens to hear it, you would greatly appreciate them not furthering the idle talk. While it's probably the best thing to do, it'll never work. My experience with people is that the more you deny something, the truer it is. This will do nothing except cement it in the minds of those who were on the fence before. That's not really what you're after, is it? No. I didn't think so. What this means is that you are going to need to sink down and play on the gossipmongers' level.

Do this: announce loudly near the office gossip that you have a hot date. Mention the individual's name. Make sure that it is not a name that is at all ambiguous. (No Pat, Robin, Chris, Taylor, Devon, Shannon, Jamie, etc.) Did I mention that this person doesn't have to be real? However, don't get yourself into a serious pretend relationship or people may want to start meeting this individual. It looks fishy if you just "happen" to break up the night before a big party but you still go and are in fine form. Do not talk about exes. There are loads of gay people who used to date people of the opposite sex before coming out. Everyone knows this. It will only fuel what's going on in the rumor mill. Pump your acquaintances for information about attractive co-workers of the opposite sex. Always be sure to ask if they're single. Ask to be fixed up. Show up to office social functions with a friend of the opposite sex (friends you've briefed about being your "date", that is). Pick friends who are willing to flirt and maybe kiss you in a conspicuous but seemingly out-of-the-way area. Put up pictures in your office of you with members of the opposite sex doing lots of fun things. It's best when there are only the two of you in the picture.