'd like to thank the attentive and resourceful reader who wrote in regarding the question from "No Reason", who wanted to know how to obtain unregistered firearms. I've never tried this particular method so I don't know how easy it is but here is his advice:

There's easier ways to get guns. All one would have to do is buy a copy of Guns and Ammo, look at the listing for gun shows, which are basically flea markets, and go there and buy one. There's plenty of unlicensed dealers and borderline illegal gear there, cheap and anonymous.

Again, thanks for the tip. Now, on to this week's questions.

So Sophie,

This girl I like is travelling out of the country for a month and she'll be mostly incommunicado while she's gone. We're not dating or anything but I'd like to do something for her before she goes -- any suggestions? How about when she gets back?

-All-American Boy

Hey All-American,

hat a sweetheart you are. This girl is lucky to have a thoughtful friend such as yourself. There's not a whole lot you can do for her while she's gone. By the time you sent anything to her and it arrived she'll likely be getting on a plane to come back. But there is always the postcard, if you happen to have a contact address. Send it before she leaves. Your best bet is to do something nice for her after she gets home.

Start off by picking her up from the airport. Chicks like that. Then take her directly home, since she will likely be dead tired from staying up forever and suffering from jet lag. No one wants to be social right about then. But the next day you could pick her up and take her out to lunch. And then you could take her out for drinks. Many drinks. Altering one's state of consciousness, passing out and sleeping 'til it wears off is among the best ways to reset one's body clock after a big change in time zones.

You could also try getting her some kind of silly trinket. Nothing too flashy, since you two aren't an item. But try to get something thoughtful, reflective of her personality and useful (or at least something she'd like). Make it quirky. Have it tie in to some obscure conversation you had late one night while intoxicated and that she likely forgot. The fact that you not only listened to the conversation at the time but remembered it long enough to find something relevant to it at a later date is something that she will get all mushy and oogly over.

So Sophie,

I'm currently dissatisfied with humanity and the cynicism and indifference that grips the world. What should I do?

-M - A - D in the LBC

Hey M - A - D,

ongratulations. You've joined the rest of the sentient population of the planet. There's a very good reason that you're feeling this way about the rest of the world: the majority of humanity is stupid. I know, it sounds a bit harsh, but really... the general public is not really all that bright as a group. Have you seen mob scenes before? There's just no reasoning with them.

The cultural gene pool needs chlorine. Statistically speaking, smart people have fewer children than stupid people. This does not bode well for the future of our species. Give it another few hundred years and if we haven't blown the place up by then humans will have regressed back to the 12th century. This is what caused the indifference. Stupid people don't have the ability to see outside of their own universes and care about anything that happens to other people. Smart people have this ability but usually get jaded and bitter about it before they actually manage to accomplish anything, due to the extreme amounts of frustration they experience when attempting to motivate the minds of those with less cognitive ability. What we now have is a breeding ground for the cynicism and indifference that you run into everywhere.

Wonderful, you say. I've explained why you fell this way but not what you can do about it. This is less than helpful, you may be thinking. You're right. I have not yet offered you any constructive advice. This is bad. I should do that.

There are many options. Assuming you don't want to take the self-destructive route, I think we can safely rule out ritual suicide, mass murder, and letting the bitter seeds of your anger eat you alive from the inside until you are a bitter, empty shell of a person. None of these things will help you.

You could take the extreme other route and start doing a lot of volunteer work with other positive minded people and work your asses off for no dough and still not have changed a whole lot. Sure, you maybe helped some people out, but did you effect a great change in humanity? Probably not.

Perhaps the best thing you can do is find other people of a mindset similar to your own and together avoid the rest of humankind. Find some sort of insane billionaire to buy you a tropical island and bring only those people with you whom you feel can have something positive and constructive to contribute to your new society. Invite me.