So Sophie,

the problem i have might look simple but it ins't, because i want to be happy . the only way for me is to have my own family and be comfortable, make a good husband and a good father!.i am in a very disturbed state of mind, cos i have dreamt of marrying at the age of 27yrs , because by the time i will be 40 -plus my first child would be, by then 15yrs old ! but problems beyond my control made me not to fulfil my dream.
I am an African by tradition YOU must have your own house(biult by you) and money to feed and take care of your own family including your relatives.and also make provisions for your future children .ALL this made me leave my home to a greener pasture but unfurtunately i am now 31yrs old and am still not married ,meanwhile i left six years ago and i am still trying to make ends meet.and now i dont know which one to do first ! if i have money ,for i do not want to regret anything i do later.

-Lost and Confused

Hey Lost,

he very first thing you should do, before you spend a lot of time worrying about building houses, getting married and passing your genes on to other people is to go get an education. Try mastering the basic art of writing complete sentences. Once you've got that down (it should only take you a year or two), why don't you try learning how to spell. (Either British or American spelling will be fine; just pick one and go with it.) You'll find that this will really enhance the way you present yourself on paper, improving your chances of getting a job that pays more than minimum wage. Along with spelling, you need to invest some time learning the basic rules of English, like capitalization and punctuation.

African by tradition? What the hell is that supposed to mean? First off, there's no way to be "African." Africa is a continent, not a country. I realize that everyone has to be born on one continent or another, but that doesn't automatically make one a native of the whole thing. That's like saying that you are "North American" by tradition. Which part would that be? Alaska or Tijuana? And I've got some other startling news about Africa, besides the fact that it's divided up into countries and ethnic groups, each with their own languages, culture and traditions. It's actually a civilized place. Sure, there are lots of people who still live in their traditional manner to an extent, but Africa (the whole continent) has cities now. Perhaps you've heard of cities? They're large places where people from many different areas gather and live together. Cities have things like "stores," wherein one can buy goods and services, and "houses," pre-made dwellings that one can just move into.

The tradition of building one's own house before marriage was a lot more important when there weren't houses sitting around waiting to be lived in. But in most parts of the world, it's not necessary. When you talk about being able to provide for your relatives, just how far down the family tree do you think you have to go? Are we talking immediate family (parents and children)? Do you extend that to include aunts, uncles and cousins? If everyone is providing for everyone in their family, why does everyone still have to work? Wouldn't all of this mutual provision sort of cancel itself out and leave you with pretty much having to only provide for yourself? Haven't you learned yet that self-sufficiency is better than hoping a relative will take care of your every need?

What you need to do is stop worrying about having a family and children. (I really don't think people like you should be allowed to pass their genes on to others anyway. There's no sense dooming an innocent child with a set of genetics like the ones you've got.) Focus on self improvement. Get an education and a job and stop worrying about goals you set yourself ten years ago. If problems beyond your control prevented you from fulfilling your dream for this long, perhaps it's time you sat down and really thought about the goals you set. Were they realistic? It's nice to aim high and all, but there's no sense setting out to do something you know you're not capable of. Reevaluate your goals and find one or two that you can actually achieve.