So Sophie,

I've spent some time perusing your "advice column" and found a great deal of entertainment. Of course, your sardonic use of pseudo-aggressive wit strikes me as neither advice nor soothing; however, its biting messages ring true more often than not. Therefore, I agree... rock on.

Now, to the meat of the matter:

My girlfriend and I have been together for more than a year. In the beginning, as with all "lasting" relationships, things were quite good. We found the best in each other and reveled in its goodness. Together, we explored the recesses of dream while probing the most tender portions of our individual histories. Within six months, she came to live with me (for myriad reasons including convenience, financial, time, and emotional). Still, joys abounded and happiness prevailed.

Throughout this period (and my entire life), I spent several evenings per week with my close friends. My girlfriend was always invited to participate, and, in fact, tasted each of our activities with interest. Over time, however, her interest in those activities that involve my friends diminished. Now, another six months has passed and she feels as though she is always competing with my friends for my attention. Of course, we continue to invite her to participate in everything, her response inevitably denial.

To further complicate matters, I have a seven year old son. (Calm your initial desire to pounce on that statement). At the time my girlfriend and I met, I was seriously considering the option of moving to southeast Asia and leaving my son to his mother. In fact, I had discussed this "option" with almost everyone whose opinion I respect (with a resounding call for responsibility to my son). My girlfriend really loves the idea of living throughout Asia for the next decade and we always shared that dream. A few months ago, she demanded (rightfully so) that I begin to honestly make the decision (with dated plans) to stay or go. Suddenly, I was faced with a choice of my dreams (with her) and my son (here). I chose to stay and be a good father and drown my dreams in his joys until he no longer needs me.

Now, she is constantly talking about feeling betrayed because our dreams were ephemeral. She is struggling with the possible future of playing stepmom. She is feeling at odds with my (very important) need for my friends. She is dreaming of living somewhere warm (she used to live in Florida and loved it). In short, she's not happy. Still, we mutually love each other's nature, demeanor, personality, and goals.

So, Sophie...what should I do?

-Doubting Dad

Hey Doubting,

irst off, thanks for the feedback. It's a nice change of pace. But, I feel like I should explain to you that "sooth" (old English "truth") is really the root word for "soothsayer," originally defined as "one who speaks truth", and is not so much intended to be soothing as much as honest. I'm not here to try to mend your feelings. I just call it like I see it. "Sardonic use of pseudo-aggressive wit," indeed.

But as far as your situation goes, here's my advice: get rid of the girlfriend.

This may seem extreme, but hear me out. Everyone is entitled to spend time with their friends. Any woman who is convinced that couples need to spend every waking minute together needs to have a serious reality adjustment. And it's not like you're not trying to spend time with her. If she's turning down your invitations to hang out, then she's got no one to blame but herself if she's alone and miserable. And are you really going to want a long-term girlfriend who wants nothing to do with your friends? Nothing good can come from that. Did she honestly think the whole traipse around Asia thing was really going to happen? Didn't she realize that everyone talks like that, but really ends up in some sort of suburban house, driving an SUV and commuting to work?

As for you, what kind of irresponsible jackass just decides to drop his kid and run off to a whole different continent? It's going to be pretty fucking hard to get to Junior's parent-teacher conferences if you're off learning kung fu from Buddhist monks. Sorry, bub. You need to stay put and take care of your child. Every kid deserves a good dad. Congratulations for at least making the right decision there.

The long and short of it is that, no matter how much you may love this girl, the two of you have entirely different dreams and goals. As long as you two stay together, you both will be miserable. Cut each other free and move on.