So Sophie,

I consider myself fairly normal and everything, but I have recently been growing really interested in adult products and videos. I'm single, so I don't have to worry about my partner finding out that I have these feelings. It seems to me that there are just some areas of my own sexuality that I would still like to explore, and I think I need some assistance. I would like to go to my local store to look around, but I'm too embarrassed. What if someone I know sees me in there? What sorts of people frequent those kinds of places anyway? Have I got anything to worry about? It's not like I'm looking for anything really freaky; I just think that I could use a little variety. Help!

-Just Exploring

Hey Exploring,

irst off, you should know that there is absolutely nothing abnormal in wanting to look at porn. Now don't go getting all huffy at me and telling me that it's not "porn," it's just "adult entertainment and marital aids." Bullshit. It's porn and porn accessories and you want in on it. It's okay. You must be a woman, by the way. No man alive would think that wanting to watch adult videos is abnormal. Have you seen the number of male-oriented erotic magazines on the market? It's really only adult women and über-Christians who are repressed in today's American culture. They seem to be the only two groups who are afraid to admit that they have hormones and need to do something about them before they build up to toxic levels and kill someone.

The fact that you're afraid to have a potential partner find out that you want to own a vibrator is something that you need to get over. How many times am I going to have to tell you that there is no cause for embarrassment? Being single just makes it all the more urgent for you to run right out and get one. You can't expect to do absolutely everything by yourself, can you? These things were designed by professionals. You could learn a lot.

As far as videos go, I suggest renting. If you purchase, you're stuck with the selection, whether or not it did what it was supposed to. Also, the novelty could wear off, leaving you with a stash of porn that is no longer arousing. The rentals give you a lot more room to experiment, and you have the knowledge that you can surreptitiously return that bukkake one without having any of your friends find it during a drunken party.

Don't be ashamed to go into your town's adult shop. You know what? People in there are usually so focused on being in there and getting out as quickly as possible that they aren't paying a whole lot of attention to their fellow patrons. The odds of running into someone you know in the middle of the DVDA section are slim to none. Keep in mind that even if you do happen to meet an acquaintance, it's some kind of unspoken law of the adult shop world that you never mention this to one another. Ever. Under pain of unending torment and death. This is just not spoken of. The only exception to this rule is if you go to the store together with a friend so that you can shop for stuff together. It's a special friend who will feel comfortable going along on such an excursion and you should treasure them above all other friends.

There are several types of fellow patrons you are likely to see while you're in there.

The middle-aged man: This man is guilty. He doesn't want to be seen in the store and really just wants to get to the video section to get his copy of Lusty High School Cheerleaders 6 before everyone else, go home and jack off before his wife gets home from soccer practice with the kids. You have nothing to fear from him besides a sideways glance or two, just to make sure you're not looking at him.

The gift buyers: These people (could be men or women) are only in the store to purchase gag gifts for a bachelor/bachelorette party, fraternity/sorority members or some other stupid party. They will never stray deeper than the front ten feet of the store and present no real threat to anyone. The worst thing they will do is laugh hysterically when they find the box of gummy boobs. These are the people who are responsible for the popularity of the inflatable farm animals and faceless blow-up dolls. No one who really wants to get off buys them. They move right on to the final category.

Appliance seekers: Appliance seekers are just in the store to look for a new (likely battery powered) source of orgasm. They will shop quietly and intently, reading packaging and comparing features and benefits to try to determine which item exactly suits the needs that they (and their partners) have that day.

No one in the porn store really wants to cause a scene. The workers are usually discreet and leave you alone unless you ask for assistance. Just go on in, take a look around, and buy a thing or two. You should find all the variety you could possibly want. Happy shopping!