So Sophie,

What the hell's the deal with the Adam's apple?

-Pubescent, bumpy and confused

Hey Pubescent,

he age-old question of what an Adam's apple is hasn't got just one simple answer. You can listen to kids on the playground, your parents (who, let's face it, really are clueless about everything so what are the odds that they'll actually have the answer this time around?), medical professionals and all sorts of other people. Thankfully, you came to the right place instead of wasting your time with those guys.

Any good Roman Catholic clergyman will tell you that the Adam's apple is actually an ancient curse visited upon man by God because he was stupid enough to be suckered by the evil ways of women. It is an eternal reminder that he, too, ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and is doomed to a life of suffering and women's haranguing.

This is crap. Everyone knows that the Adam's apple is really named for Adam von Fruchtenstein, who was the first known man to exhibit this particular physical phenomenon, documented at his home in Salzburg, Austria, back in 1754. Somehow, the gene for this trait got passed along (or at least became much more widely noticed, now that it had been pointed out) and pretty soon after that, that hard lump in the throat was apparent on about 80% of adult men.

Medical experts will tell you that the Adam's apple, or prominentia laryngea, is a feature in the front of the male neck caused by the forward protrusion of the thyroid cartilage, which is the largest and most prominent cartilage of the larynx (voicebox). It starts to grow when boys hit puberty, and stops some time after the transition to adult status (physically, at least) is complete. It's considered, like pubic hair, one of the secondary sexual characteristics in males. This growth of the larynx is what causes men's voices to deepen. The larynx grows in women, too, but not to the same extent, keeping it invisible to on-lookers.

Some men consider this hard lump an eyesore, while some women unconsciously consider it a sign of male virility. There are numerous medical procedures to reduce its size, but it's purely cosmetic. There is nothing wrong with having a large Adam's apple; it really doesn't do anything, anyway. The only time that this really is a hindrance to a man is when he is doing his utmost not to look like one. It's a dead giveaway that will ruin the most convincing of drag performances. It's also a point of extreme vulnerability, and the "Adam's apple" is one of the particular points of attack in the Japanese system of self-defense known as jiu-jitsu. This is because a single, sharp blow to the Adam's apple will render the attacker winded, helpless and extremely pained long enough for the victim to escape. If hit hard enough, the attacker could also be rendered mute, if the larynx is broken.

Oh, wait... is this not the Adam's Apple you were talking about? There is also an Adam's Apple nightclub, one of the largest all male (read: gay) nightclubs in the north of Thailand, featuring four floors of non-stop male entertainment ranging from karaoke to massage.

It's also a type of cocktail, consisting of Galliano and apple juice poured over ice. Or you could be asking me about the Adam's Apple bed and breakfast in New Oxford, Pennsylvania. Are you asking me about the Aerosmith song? The album by Wayne Shorter? The ridiculous game about sin on cartoonsforchrist.com? Actually, it's a strangely addicting game that bears a strong resemblance to Bejeweled, which I for one seem unable to stop playing whenever I start. I may have to delete it off my PDA just so I can get work done. But unlike Bejeweled, this game sticks to a strong "apple" theme. The naked, hairy-chested Adam in the corner kind of throws a person off their game, though, so be careful. Nothing like seeing a naked white guy smiling, winking and blowing kisses at you to make you lose your concentration. I think the cartoons for Christ people may have ripped this graphic off from the nightclub folks, now that I think about it.

You're going to have to be a little more specific the next time you ask me a question, Pubescent. As you can perhaps guess, there were too many Adam's apples out there for me to pinpoint the exact one you wanted to know about, but I did my best. Have fun with puberty. None of the rest of us did.