So Sophie,

Recently, I have found myself in a rather difficult position. Perhaps you can offer some advice...

In early January, a beautiful young maiden came to live with me. We have been friends for several years, so when her boyfriend (and father to her 1 year old son) threw her out, she decided to move back to the Milwaukee area. Being that her brother is my roommate, we offered her one of our extra rooms.

Since then, I have been of great help in her endeavor to rebuild her life locally, including watching her son during job interviews, holding off on collecting rent, and physically helping her move here from Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, she is in constant contact with her son's father in hopes of reviving their relationship. To that end, she has renounced any possibility of returning to PA while he has occasionally agreed to move to WI (this has been their single greatest point of contention for years).

She and I have always had some unspoken sexual tension that we both have adamantly ignored since neither of us is ever single. Of course, I find myself single at the moment; however, due to honor, I have diverted my interests as much as possible.

Recently, during a flashback game of "truth or dare", I was forced to admit my attraction to her. Since then, she has shown a lot of interest in me with a few conversations alluding to more interesting activities. Only willpower has prevented anything sexual from happening (on both parts).

Well, this weekend, she fell asleep in my bed watching a movie... where she remained the whole night... innocently (although we both knew it was going to happen). The following day (last night), I invited her stay in my room again which proceeded innocently. Of course, there are a lot of cold showers going on in my house. This morning, I found myself feeling guilty that she and her ex are not officially done (in my mind).

They have been arguing for months, separated for a month, and she claims she is single. However, she hasn't told him she thinks that for fear of a custody battle (and of hurting him IMHO). She doesn't hold any hope that things will be fixed with them. Still, I believe it's not over until they both agree on that fact.

As a side note, she has always been monogamous and true through her entire life (including two long-term relationships). I trust her and would hate to shake that trust by letting her do evil things with me while she's with another man (kind of).

So, what to do? Tell her to officially dump this guy (that's not my place)? Tell her we should back off until things settle (same demand with less attitude)? Get over my guilt and let her deal with it (potential trust issues in the future)?

-Perplexed

Hey Perplexed,

ou've gotten yourself into quite the situation, haven't you? These things are never as uncomplicated as they seem and this one kind of sounds (to me, at any rate) like it's difficult on the surface. If what shows up on a superficial first glance is the tip of the iceberg then you're looking at a Titanic-wrecking iceberg right here.

First off, recently single women have issues. These issues are exponentially compounded if they've recently ended a relationship with the father of their child. This girl hasn't even managed to do that cleanly so far, so you're treading on thin relationship ice. There are a lot of big red warning flags going up all over the place and you'd be an idiot to ignore them.

Second, what the hell are grown adults doing playing "truth or dare?" Unless you're living in a college dorm you have no business playing games like that. And who uses them to suss out whether or not someone has feelings for them? If your love interest isn't mature enough to come right out and ask, this doesn't bode well for future relationships. What are you going to do, play truth or dare every time you've got some issues to work out? And what happens if they take the dare? Then you'll never get anywhere.

Next, people don't just accidentally fall asleep in other people's beds. They may claim that it was inadvertent but it never is. I can't think of one time when I've "accidentally" done something like that when it wasn't actually premeditated.

Lastly, starting affairs, however honorably intentioned, with one's roommates is never a good idea. This way lies madness. If you're just interested in something superficial with this girl, having her and her child living with you when it falls apart is going to be horribly messy at best. She should really find somewhere else to live and then you two can decide whether you want to be involved. She may be subconsciously using you for your perceived stability, which is something she is looking for.

My advice to you is to steer clear of the girl and her baggage until she gets her life sorted out and on a much more stable plane. It's not your place to tell her to break things off cleanly with her child's father, but you should make it quite clear to her that you will not be having her sleep in your bed or any other such nonsense until such time as it is ended, and you feel comfortable with the resolution. Yes, it may take some time and it may well never happen, but you're doing the both of you a disservice if you move in on her before then. When it's over and you can proceed, move slowly and carefully, because this woman may still be living with you and any little dating argument that you have can make your home unbearable. No one wants that. It's your home after all, and you deserve to be comfortable there.

Sexual tension aside, I guess you're best served turning off the water heater and just making the best of a semi-uncomfortable situation until such time as things settle down in both of your lives.