So Sophie,

How can I be deprogrammed from Catholicism?

-Saint Sinner

Hey Sinner,

t's oddly appropriate that you use the word "deprogrammed" to describe your need to find mental freedom from the oppressive and scarring yoke that is Catholicism. In the early days of the church, Christians (modern-day Catholics) were looked on as dangerous cult members who needed to be weeded out and exterminated, as they were causing all sorts of trouble in society. It probably would have been good for all of us if they had succeeded. Just think of all of the horrible things that we would never have had to experience: the Inquisition, the Crusades, the Holocaust, fanatical born-again parents, racial discrimination, and all sorts of other things. Hey, did you ever notice how all of the really bad stuff brought on by Catholics was so bad that it has to be capitalized? They're a bloodthirsty bunch of people and they seem to think that torturing and killing those who disagree with them is really the right way to solve disagreements. It may have been better for all of us in the long run to have made sure all of those pesky buggers were fed to the lions.

The only thing that seemed to turn Catholicism from a strange motley cult into an actual, recognized religion is the sheer number of people foolish enough to swallow the doctrine hook, line and sinker. Once millions upon millions of the uneducated masses are all following the same pile of nonsense, they tend to get their beliefs voted in. (Keep that in mind during the next election, by the way.) Not wanting to seem anti-Catholic or anti-Christian, I would like to take this moment to say that I personally know Catholics and Christians who are not mindless sheep, and who have gone through and done enough thinking for themselves to decide that some parts of the dogma are bullshit, which they are. Yay, independent thought! Sadly, the majority do not do this, which results in people like you: scarred by their experience in the religion and desperate to repair the damage that was inflicted upon them in the name of religion.

What you're not going to want to hear is the part I have to tell you next: there is no complete recovery from Catholicism. You can undergo the deprogramming, but there will always be traces of the guilt lurking around in the back of your unconscious. When you find yourself confronted with one of these, you need to picture yourself stomping on it and leaving it a broken, bloody mass on the ground. Right now, I'll tell you that it's one of those bad horror movie-type masses that keeps coming back to life just in time for the sequel. But you can keep killing them and the length of time it takes for them to come back gets longer and longer. Eventually, the guilt will only show up once every couple of years or so.

So, back to your original question about deprogramming. The best way to start the process is to look at the people with whom you surround yourself. Are they all religious (read: Catholic) types? If so, then you need to change your crowd quickly. They don't need to be disreputable, just atheists or agnostics. Other Christians won't do, because the doctrine is too close to that of the Catholics in too many ways.

After you have successfully gotten new friends, start looking at the way they live. Convince yourself that if all of your friends are adopting a certain standard of behavior then it must be right. Never mind what your parents taught you: They're from a different time and therefore can't possibly know how to conduct oneself in these ever-changing times. Do your new friends have a lot of premarital sex? That's because it's fun. No matter what your parents tell you, odds are that they did it, too, but just pretended to be all pure on their wedding night. Whatever you find yourself doing that goes against what you were taught as a member of the Catholic faith, just repeat to yourself over and over again that what you are doing is perfectly natural, and in line with your human instincts. This is not going to be an overnight process. Those of us who are recovering Catholics find that it lingers on forever, much like some other afflictions I can think of. One day at a time, Sinner. One day at a time.