So this guy calls me up last night on the Fantasy X line and tells me that he saw an ad in Rolling Stone magazine with a number you could call to meet local singles. He said he was in the computer lab at school and he just needed to talk to someone while his final project of the semester was printing out so he could keep his mind off of it and not worry about the printer failing or his files being ruined.

And I believe him. He has no idea that what he really called is phone sex, and that while I am sexy as hell, I am neither local nor single, and I am in fact getting paid to talk to him. So, we chat away about what year he is, how the project is, school in general, and how he is so busy it is really hard to get out there to meet people. He steps away a few times to push buttons on the printer and updates me on its progess. A girl pops her head in the lab to see if he wants anything from Starbucks, because she's making a run over there. He ordered a tea, because it has enough caffeine for him, but not the bad aftertaste of coffee. You see how un-sexy this phone call is? I'm thrilled, we're jabbing away about nothing, I don't even have to get him off. Fantasy X calls are 35 minutes long, so at about 30 minutes into the call, I start telling him that I must be his good luck charm because nothing bad happened to the printer while he was talking to me. I know one little birdie that would say "Correlation is not causality," but this guy totally bought it.

He told me earlier that after this printed he was going to go home and take a shower and go to bed. I tell him that he should go home and get comfy and then call me back, so we can, uh, you know, talk. The light FINALLY goes on in his head and he says,

"OOOOHHHH! Yeah. Ha ha. Well, maybe I should call you BEFORE I shower then."

I'm very encouraging, lowering the pitch of my voice and getting gigglier. Then he says,

"I just pulled it out."

"WHAT?!?!? You said people could walk in at any time, and that girl came in before. Is it hard?"

"Yup. Ohhhh."

I glance down at my stopwatch and see that it has been 34 min and 30 sec. He is going to get cut off in 30 seconds and there he is, in a computer lab, with a hard dick in his hand, probably on his cell phone, out 35 minutes of his cell plan, and by my best guess based on market research, about $140 for the call. What a dumb, fucking idiot.