A LONG ENOUGH TIMELINE.
Last week, I reread the Warren Ellis Forum thread about planes hitting the World Trade Center. I considering excerpting snippets of it for humorous effect here -- mainly the predictions that came tragically true and the ones that were way off the mark ("I don't there's anyone for us to go to war with.") -- but ultimately decided that weeding out the "Are you OK?" and "I'm so glad you're OK!" posts would be too much work.
Instead, a selection of out-of-context things I've written in e-mails over the last few years.
Nov. 19, 2002
"I'm thinking about
dropping irony in favor of futurism as a worldview but I don't think I'm
ready yet. Part of me still thinks romanticism has some merit and a bigger
part wants to stick with the security blanket of irony. Also, I'm not fully
forward-looking enough for futurism. I've been thinking a lot about
documentary filmmaking lately, which is hardly futurist."
Ha ha ha ha ha; fuck futurism. (It's worth noting that the entire message that comes from is soaking in irony from start to finish.)
Jan. 5, 2003
"You should try grad school. It's impossible to fail. You can decide, for
weeks at a time, that the whole thing is stupid and pointless and you won't
participate anymore and they'll still give you A's."
I stand by this 100%.
Feb. 2, 2003
"And also, there's a shortcut to scoring all kinds of
class participation points -- all you have to do is question why the topic
at hand matters. Most doctoral types will be dumbfounded and you look like
a total theoretical genius."
Probably I'll need to delete this post when I go out on the job market.
Mar. 5, 2003
"Does the Bible forbid pre-marital lip contact now? I mean, OK, I
guess I could reasonably see not having sex first, even though that's also
completely silly, if you're hyper-religious or just somehow not into it or
whatever. But kissing? Presumably you're going to kiss your spouse fairly
often. What if they suck at it? How can you look into your new partner's
eyes and say, 'Baby, you know I love you and nothing could ever change that,
but what the hell are you trying to do with your tongue? I mean, is that
some kind of wave or something? Help me out, here.'"
And then later...
Mar. 5, 2003
"OK, so Texas does have at least one redeeming quality."
Are these statements connected? You be the judge.
Mar. 20, 2003
"She said she decided not to bring up ninjas, superheroes or porn this time. I asked her what kind of guys did she think she was meeting if they didn't like ninjas, superheroes or porn. ... Idiots have popular singles bars in which to meet other idiots. What do we get?"
This one worked out in the long run.
Mar. 20, 2003
"As for falling in love, I don't know. I equate the anxiety to not knowing if your friends at school are still your friends when summer vacation rolls around. It's an insane amount of giving with no expectation of return. The cynic in me thinks it's probably an unnatural state based on a highly pervasive mental condition. The romantic in me agrees but doesn't care."
So did this one, as it turned out.
Apr. 10, 2003
"Trying to give everyone hickeys was maybe a tad more eccentric than usual, but still mostly reasonable."
Mostly.
Apr. 28, 2003
"We found a big tin full of antique soap down in the basement -- I suggested that maybe there's a burgeoning market for ancient soaps on eBay."
There's not.
Sep. 22, 2003
"Empirical evidence can be found to show many things but I don't think mere empirical evidence will turn Pinocchio into a real boy, and that's what it feels like Barton is getting at."
Yeah! Take that, Barton!
Mar. 20, 2003
"I asked her what kind of guys did she think she was meeting if they didn't like ninjas, superheroes or porn."
She met the kinda guy who reads your blog and posts comments, that's what kind of guy.
Truly, a rare breed.