|
Archives
September 2008
August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 |
2005:02:28:16:39. Monday. AH, CRUMB. We just bought tickets for the Shins in Milwaukee on April 13 (the service charges were about a third of the total cost -- thanks a bunch, Ticketfucker!) and what happens today? Death From Above 1979 announces upcoming tour with free show in Madison... on April 13. It's a very crowded concert season for the next couple months anyway -- The Reputation, They Might Be Giants, Interpol, Troubled Hubble, the Shins, Garbage and Green Day, in that order, at the very least, not counting the Decemberists show that I've already struck -- but that would've been a cool one to see.
2005:02:27:10:18. Sunday. GRANDMA??? This was so disturbing, I have to get it off my chest. Last night this guy calls and tells me he is thinking of a fantasy. Great! "Oh, a fantasy? Tell me about it." "I'm thinking about getting with my grandma." Blink, blink, whaaaaa??? "What?!?" "I'm thinking about my grandma." I'm dumbfounded. "We can't talk about that." I'm so dumbfounded I can't even think of some alternatives to offer him. I just sit there, hoping that this freak will hang up. "Well, how about an older woman?" "Uh, yeah, okay. How old, like 65, 70?" "Yeah." "What is sexy about that?" "Oh, I want to see that gray pussy." The rest of his fantasy spirals into basically sneaking in on an old woman in the shower and forcing his cock up her ass. His request was for me to make noises like I was getting fucked in the ass and that hurt really bad. This was my first call last night and I almost just got off the line and called it quits for the night. But, I didn't. I needed to get my hours in. Fucking pervert! Makes those shit-eaters and public masturbators seem like innocent baby pervs.
posted by 2005:02:27:10:05. H & R BLOCK. Being a phonegirl, I hear a lot of ridiculous stuff, but this call last night really took the cake. TVTS X. (Transvestite/Transexual) "Hello?" "Hi." "How are you tonight?" "Good." I hear a lot of talking in the background, it sounds like a mom and a kid, so I say, "What room are you in?" "My living room." "Hmmm, sounds like there are a lot of people around." Thinking that this guy should really find some more privacy for this sort of thing. "Uh, is this costing me money?" "Didn't you put your credit card number in?" "Yeah." "So, yeah. You are being charged for this." Duh! "Um, I think I called the wrong thing." "You called a sex line." "Really? I was trying to call H&R Block." "What?!?! You called phone sex." "Uh, yeah. Um, thanks. Goodbye." Click. I have a really hard time believing he was working through the long menu system of breathy voices saying things like, "Want to play?" "Want to live your wildest fantasy?" "Just type in your credit card number to meet your sexy playmate." without realizing that this was not H&R Block. Whatever he thought, what a dumbass!
posted by 2005:02:26:11:54. Saturday. HUH. I don't know how this slipped under my radar three years ago, but Skunk Baxter, of the Doobie Brothers, is on the Dept. of Defense payroll as a missile defense analyst.
"To most of the world, Skunk Baxter is one of the great rock and roll guitar players. Inside the Beltway, he's one of the leading experts on military defense, and we listen to his advice all the time," said Republican California congressman Dana Rohrabacher. "He knows all about weapons technology and has a better understanding of the strategic game going on than I do, and I'm on the International Relations Committee."
Along with a roster of high-power politicians and military men, Baxter � who learned everything he knows about military defense from reading war history books, technical weapons texts and defense manuals � is now playing a key role in determining how the U.S. can best protect itself against a major nuclear, chemical or biological attack. And while he may be a big fan of the music of John Lennon, he doesn't believe in giving peace a chance, insisting that the mere threat of American military might isn't enough to sway the behavior of radical fundamentalists. "I don't buy this idea of deterrence being the ultimate be all and end all, so missile defense is a very necessary concept," he said last week, adding that the U.S. needs to act defensively as well as offensively. "We need to protect our ports and our borders. We need to protect our water and food supplies. Agricultural terrorism is something we've been talking about for the past few years. The Russians at one time had placed warheads on their missiles that were designed to kill crops and livestock. In fact, they had smallpox on some of their offensive nuclear warheads at one point. So this is not a pretty game." You might recall Skunk as the guy who did the PSA for not listening to your music so goddamn loud.
posted by Aaron S. Veenstra 2005:02:22:21:18. Tuesday. WHAT I DID ON MY WINTER CARNIVAL VACATION. I saw a giant snow Mario...
...and a giant snow Nautilus.
I didn't have quarters to get a chicken from the chicken machine.
I went bowling...
...and so did Emily.
posted by Aaron S. Veenstra 2005:02:20:23:20. Sunday. BIG DARKNESS. Hunter Thompson has shot himself to death.
posted by Aaron S. Veenstra 2005:02:19:10:01. Saturday. HONEY, LOOK AT HOW YOU'RE DRESSED.
We saw OK Go at the Annex last night (last seen at Summerfest 2004) and they were amazing again. These guys might be the best showmen working in guitar rock today. About half their set was material from their upcoming second album (due out in "fuckin' July"), and they were debuting a new guitar/keyboard player (who found himself getting writhed on by an overzealous fan toward the end of the set). The crowd was energetic but not uncomfortably so, and I got some good footage for this year's NO! DVD. Opening was a TBA called the Fisticuffs UK who were pretty impressive themselves; we bought their $3 EP, which I will report on in the near future.
2005:02:18:19:29. Friday. THEY MADE ME DO IT. Seems nobody wants to take responsibilty for their pervertedness. Today this guy calls me up and when I ask him how he's doing today, he tells me "Not so good, I had a bad night last night." YES! He's ready to talk and blab about whatever happened last night and all I have to do it egg him on. He tells me he was partying with some friends and coke. They kept putting down lines for him and he kept doing them. Later in the night, they asked for the cash to cover the coke and he told them he didn't have it and they made him pay with his body. Right. Okay, so they made him strip down and wear fake boobies and women's thong panties. Then they gave out a little coke to all the guys there and made him go around and suck their cocks for it. He was talking about this for about 25 minutes, me lending a sympathetic ear to this horrible evening he had to endure. Turns out this kind of thing happens all the time, in clubs, outside, wherever coke and cocks can be found in the same place. After awhile, I just couldn't resist and I asked, "Why don't you get a job and just pay for the coke?" "They don't want the money because they know I'll pay with my mouth." Seems logical enough, you have to believe the lie to keep living it. As if that wasn't enough, it turns out someone hypnotized him and implanted a post-hypnotic suggestion that whenever someone says "BJ," he takes a piece of clothing off and slaps his ass. What could I do? I worked the word "BJ" into the conversation as many times as possible in the last 10 remaining minutes of the call. I guess anything is okay as long as someone else MAKES us do it.
posted by 2005:02:18:19:17. DOMINATION FORMULA. After doing phone sex for a year, I finally figured out the formula for domination calls. I can't believe it took me so long! But today, I had a sucessful dom call and realized now I can finally do it and of course, I'll share it with you. So, no matter what the prompt of the call is, the guy says something like, "I love it when you dominate me." That means that you: 1. Forcably push his face in your pussy and make him lick it. 2. Demand that he lick your ass. 3. Suggest that you get your boyfriend and/or strap-on dildo and make them suck the cock. 4. Fuck him in the ass with sucked dildo. 5. Remove dildo and make him lick his shit off of it. Now, that of course, is the short version. Intersperse that with telling him how disgusting, perverted, pathetic, gross, and dumb he is and you'll have a happy submissive perv!
posted by 2005:02:17:12:42. Thursday. YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING. Not only was Guckert in the pool before his supposed employer even existed, it turns out that, directly contrary to what Scott McClellan claimed, he had a "hard pass," not a daily one, the whole time. Photographic evidence at dKos. Hard passes have your photo and news organization on them, dailies just say "PRESS." That's at least two bald-faced lies from McClellan about Guckert. Bets on what #3 will be?
posted by Aaron S. Veenstra 2005:02:16:16:03. Wednesday. THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GUCKING. It just keeps going. "Talon News" began operation on March 29, 2003, and shortly thereafter sent Jim Guckert, aka Jeff Gannon, to the White House press corps as its correspondent. According to WH press secretary Scott McClellan, Guckert was granted a daily pass (and another one everyday until earlier this month) because "[h]e, like anyone else, showed that he was representing a news organization that published regularly." Except Guckert was in the press corps at least a month before Talon began publishing. In early March, 2003, on a site called Winds of Change, Guckert bragged about asking then-press secretary Ari Fleischer a particular question on February 28 (White House transcript). So if he wasn't sent by an extant news organization, how did this prostitute find his entry into the White House press corps? [Via dKos.]
posted by Aaron S. Veenstra 2005:02:15:17:19. Tuesday. THERE ONCE WAS A MAN NAMED JIM GUCKERT... I haven't posted anything about the Jim Guckert/"Jeff Gannon" scandal yet because I haven't come up with a cohesive framework from which to address the whole thing yet. But I do have a laundry list of questions that ought to be asked of various parties by those attempting to move this story forward. To the White House (whether Scott McClellan in the daily, or George Bush himself):
To Jim Guckert:
To Howard Kurtz, Glenn Reynolds, etc.:
posted by Aaron S. Veenstra 2005:02:15:13:35. THOSE FUNNY FRENCH. Chuck Palahniuk's new book, Haunted, is a collection of 23 interwoven short stories which will be released on May 17. One, "Punch Drunk," is presented in this month's Playboy; another, "Guts," can be read at ChuckPalahniuk.net:
People in France have a phrase: "Spirit of the Stairway." In French: Esprit de l'escalier. It means that moment when you find the answer, but it's too late. Say you're at a party and someone insults you. You have to say something. So under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. But the moment you leave the party...
As you start down the stairway, then -- magic. You come up with the perfect thing you should've said. The perfect crippling put-down. That's the Spirit of the Stairway. The trouble is even the French don't have a phrase for the stupid things you actually do say under pressure. Those stupid, desperate things you actually think or do. Some deeds are too low to even get a name. Too low to even get talked about. Don't let the philosophizing fool you -- it's mostly about jerking off.
posted by Aaron S. Veenstra 2005:02:08:22:37. Tuesday. SO, THE NEW QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE ALBUM HAS LEAKED TO THE INTERNETS AND I HAVE ACQUIRED A COPY OF IT AND LISTENED TO IT IN ITS ENTIRETY. It blows.
2005:02:07:08:55. Monday. SUPERBOWL PERVS. I got on the phone last night in the middle of the third quarter of the Superbowl last night thinking that I would probably get ZERO calls. I got very few, which was fine by me, but the ones I did get were so similar it was wierd. What kind of man calls phone sex during the middle of the Superbowl? Sick men who want to hurt you. The first guy calls and tells me he wants to fuck my ass hard, he wants to hear me moan in pain. Fine. This is his fantasy that he is paying $4 a minute for and my job is CUSTOMER SERVICE (I have to repeat it over and over to myself so I remember and don't turn into a bitch to these guys when they want a submissive person to hurt). Okay, he is fucking my ass, I'm on my stomach and he's pounding away really hard. But then the kicker! I asked him if he wanted to switch positions, trying to force some of that blood from his cock back up to his brain to make the call longer. Here's his answer, "I don't know, you are the one in charge." I couldn't believe it. I couldn't hold back, "You've got me lying on my stomach and you are pounding my ass so hard that you are hurting me. I'm obviously not the one in charge here." "Oh, right." I don't remember the rest of the call, but even with that bitch remark in the middle of the call, he stayed on for 11 minutes. Not great, but one of the best from last night. The only other call I got while the Superbowl was still on was from this guy who said he wanted to hear me fuck my pussy hard and hurt it. What the fuck!?!? "You want me to hurt myself?" "Yeah, jam it in there and make it hurt." Sometimes after listening to this stuff, I get really pissed off and my mantra of "Customer Service" flies out the window. I just can't believe the things these pervs say to me. But there is your answer as to what kind of men call phone sex during the Superbowl, sick fucks who want to use sex to hurt women. Yeah, it is only a fantasy line, and yeah, I only have an 'n' of 2, but I don't care, I hate those fucking pervs.
posted by 2005:02:04:00:07. Friday. BOYS WHO ARE GIRLS WHO ARE BOYS. Sometimes the pervs that call me are really confused about their gender. I'm ready for it on the TVTS (transvestite/transexual) calls, but a lot of times on the Fantasy X calls I'll get guys that can't keep their genitalia straight (no pun intended). Today this guy calls and is talking about his cock and then his ass and then his pussy and then his cock again and then his pussy. I didn't know what he wanted, so I just used a lot of non-sexual pronouns and moaning, not sure if I should be his bitch or stud.
posted by 2005:02:03:00:13. Thursday. OPEN LETTER #3. Dear Republicans, If you're going to dirty your fingers -- fingers which have never known the strain of exceeded grasp and which had about as much to do with the Iraqi elections as they do with the nation's collective Yellow Pages usage -- with blue-ish purple ink and then randomly hold them up during a speech, it might make sense for the speech to contain an explicit reference that people can connect to the dirty fingers. Otherwise it just looks like a punch of sloppy pool sharks are trying to flip off the President without getting caught by the study hall monitor. Idiots. Love,
posted by Aaron S. Veenstra 2005:02:02:20:51. Wednesday. I'M THE SMARTEST PHONE GIRL IN THE WORLD. Did you read the article about the 2-on-1 calls? Not a very hard concept to understand: one caller, two agents. The agents work together to fulfill the perv's fantasy. Even though the bosses sent out an e-mail explaining the procedure and then called everybody to go over the procedure, they said many girls weren't getting it, so there was a MANDATORY and UNCOMPENSATED teleconference at a LONG DISTANCE NUMBER on how to do these 2-on-1 calls. I've always kind of wondered who the other phone girls are and now I know. They are stupid idiots, who else would be stuck in this no-skill, mentally disturbing job. The coach took roll call and then told us that she wanted to practice with each other so we could get the hang of it. Okay, seems reasonable. However, instead of sticking to the task, I had to listen to a stream of endless, inane "What do I do if ..X.. happens?" questions. To which the answer was basically, "Do the best you can, and let's stick to the subject at hand." The conference ended up being an entire hour long and I was so pissed off, that I couldn't hold on to a perv for longer than about 3 minutes after it.
posted by 2005:02:02:20:36. HE ONLY TALKS TO BITCHES. It was getting pretty late last night and I was so tired of talking to pervs. They all say the same damn thing when I ask them what's up: "Nothing." We all know that it isn't nothing that is up, it is their cock, but for some reason, even though they are calling phone sex, they don't say it. Anyways, it is my job to cutely and seductively draw out of them what they want to talk about. "Hey baby, what's up?" "Nothing." "Oh, how do you feel tonight?" the appropriate answer to this is "horny" so that I can segue into something about how I'm horny too and let's have some fun. "I'm bored." Okay, I can work with this... "Hmmmm, got anything in mind that could make things less boring?" "No." "Nothing at all?" "No." Here's where I lost it: "Wow, you are really boring." And then he opened up like floodgates telling me that he and his wife are separated and that he thinks she is lusting after some black guy at work. I couldn't believe it, I thought for sure that he would hang up on me for sure after that snotty remark, but apparently, he only talks to bitches.
posted by 2005:02:02:20:22. OPEN LETTER #2. Dear Democrats, Don't stand and clap when he pretends to address your issues. He's not going to help anybody get better health care. He's not going concern himself with environmentally friendly energy technologies (you should have been able to tell that when he followed it up with "nucular" rather than "wind.") A real opposition party wouldn't have shown up for this charade, let alone allowed themselves to be used as props for his applause lines. When Howard Dean gets to town, you people better get your fucking ducks lined up, or get the hell out. Love,
posted by Aaron S. Veenstra 2005:02:02:15:38. PURPLE PEOPLE-EATERS. Congressional Republicans are planning to mark their fingers with purple ink for tonight's State of the Union address, because Iraqis were fingerprinted before voting on Sunday. Indeed, the address is taking place this week and not last week, as is usually the case, so that Bush can tell us how wonderful Iraqi democracy is. Funny, the Bush Administration didn't seem that interested in Iraqi democracy a year and a half ago:
U.S. military commanders have ordered a halt to local elections and self-rule in provincial cities and towns across Iraq, choosing instead to install their own handpicked mayors and administrators, many of whom are former Iraqi military leaders.
The decision to deny Iraqis a direct role in selecting municipal governments is creating anger and resentment among aspiring leaders and ordinary citizens, who say the U.S.-led occupation forces are not making good on their promise to bring greater freedom and democracy to a country dominated for three decades by Saddam Hussein. The go-slow approach to representative government in at least a dozen provincial cities is especially frustrating to younger, middle-class professionals who say they want to help their communities emerge from postwar chaos and to let, as one put it, "Iraqis make decisions for Iraq." "They give us a general," said Bahith Sattar, a biology teacher and tribal leader in Samarra who was a candidate for mayor until that election was canceled last week. "What does that tell you, eh? First of all, an Iraqi general? They lost the last three wars! They're not even good generals. And they know nothing about running a city." Then, they decreed that elections could only take place after a U.S.-selected committee of exiles wrote a new constitution. Pressure from within Iraq forced them to change their plans, but the citizens of Iraq are still stuck with numerous illegal orders from Paul Bremer, saddling them with a flat tax system and a marketplace about to be destroyed by multinational corporate interests. The Bush Administration is still making promises to various people about the nature and make-up of the new Iraqi government. They made sure that it would be as difficult as possible for candidates and parties to campaign. They do not care about the future of the Iraqi people or the future of democracy in Iraq -- they care about making centrist voters in America think they care. Much the way Republicans "reach out" to blacks in a way that sways no black voters, but pulls in a few white moderates who decide the GOP is "compassionate," these efforts are all about using one group as a prop to attract another. George Bush, you will almost certainly make reference to the state of the Iraq union in your speech. You will deem it strong; it is a farce. Iraq remains on the brink of civil war, and no America-loving parliamentary body is going to change that, especially you couldn't get more than 20% of the Sunnis to vote. You can fuck right off. Meanwhile, the purple-fingered drama queens in the Senate, who want to make sure that everyone knows they "support" Iraqi voters (without the purple ink, I think we'd be left in the dark on that one), will all be voting to confirm Torture Man as our next Attorney General. So, a hearty "fuck you" to you guys, too. |
